A situation arose today that has left me to ponder the following question: Can you make real friends from a random group of 42 Americans thrust into a foreign land? The events or circumstances of this event don’t matter and I was only tangentially involved in them, so there is no cause for concern.
Anyone who knows me well will know that I have always been very picky when it comes to who I call a friend and who I put my trust into. In fact I don’t have friends who I do not trust and I do not often trust those who are not my friends with things that really matter. (This is of course with the obvious caveat of my family who I all love deeply and would trust with anything) Despite my pickiness I believe that here in my travel and study group here in Russian I have found a few people whom I can already and hopefully will continue to call my friends and who I hope will reciprocate my feelings.
But back to the situation I observed. It came about that someone commented that anyone who we have only know for 21 days and came from just a random group of people could not be considered to be a real friend. While it is true that out of a group of just 42 the odds are stacked against a person to find their true soul mate, or a lifelong confidant and adviser, why is it not possible? When thinking deeper on the idea of a random group I have come to the following conclusion: every friend I have ever had, or will ever have, have come to me by random chance or by self selection on both of our parts. There are literally billions of decisions and variables that have resulted in a specific group of people being, for instance, in the same state, the same school, the same second period English class, the same sports team.
All of the friends I made in high school or at UCI thus far where because of our presence at the same place at the same time whether by fate, chance, or some other unknown mechanism. We were placed in the same dorm, the same class, the same lunch area ect. The human urge to find companionship and avoid the problems of loneliness drove us together and from that point on relationships where forged or never developed based on other criteria. But it was just the random chance that touched off the relationship in the first place. Someone had to speak up or seek out the other to spark the relationship, but if these people had not simply been in the same place at the same time they ever would have met.
How is this situation different? It is not. There is a bit of self selection going on (people here all chose to come to Russia for study abroad instead of a more traditional {or perhaps rational?} destination). But besides that we are quite a diverse group from many states, many places in society, many majors and many cultures and for most purpose a random group. Despite this randomness, and after a fair bit of jostling before social groups formed, most people seem to have found their own friends in the group.
Now to part two of the question: does the limited amount of time we have been in contact mean that we cannot be friends yet? I would again say no. We are in the most foreign place many of us will ever visit. Half of our number spoke no Russian coming into this program so in fact I think we have become closer than people who have lived or gone to class together for 200 days. I already know people here much better then I know many acquaintances of many years thanks to our mutual interdependence, proximity and I would hope mutual interests, needs and attraction.
Even if we were not in such need of each other why is it impossible to make a friend in 21 days? I see no reason that I person who you like, are interested in, share opinions with, are intellectually simulated by, enjoy playing sports with, enjoy sharing stories with or just enjoy the company of should not be considered a friend. That is not to say we should instantly expect to become very close friends who share and intimately trust one another, but that kind of relationship takes years or decades to really take shape.
So I conclude that I consider my friendships I have formed here to be real ones, and that I know they will only become closer and stronger as the quarter continues. Time and location are not a factor in this calculation.
As it always has and will happen, good people will seek out one another and join for a common cause. In this case that cause happens to be to support, assist, accompany, share and enjoy our young lives and life shaping experiences with one another while exploring Russia. If those I chose to be with during this experience are not to be counted as friends, who quite honesty can?
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